Food Addiction

Hi Gents and Ladies! By popular demand here it is, my blog!
Where to start, how to start, I'm not to sure, so let me give a little back story of me and what I've done. Since I was a little girl I had a weight issue, hello I live in Michigan where most months we have snow on the ground! I grew up with my great grandparents and my mom, and lets face it an Irish Italian family, we like to EAT! Food was used as a form of comfort, when you are sad eat cake, when you are happy eat cake, when you are bored eat cake, or other comfort foods. Food was never taught in my house to be just a basic need thing, food in my house was all about pleasure. As my dear grandma used to say we must make a happy plate and by that she meant have all of the food gone, including 2nd helpings. I enjoyed eating all kinds of food. Most of my family is not society " thin" heck what is society thin anymore. Size negative zero.
Of course I had to go to school, and we all know kids, those darn peers of ours can be so cruel. I was called every fat persons name they could come up with.. and of course Betsy sounds like Bessy, so guess what I was called, along with boofer, betsy wetsy and the list goes on. So what does any girl do when sad and depressed EAT! This is what I did, fast forward many years to 2005. I gave birth to my amazing son, this adorable 7lb wonder, he was cute, pink and sweet, but he so wasn't the 78lbs I gained. I thought after you had a baby that I would walk off the delivery table thin, perfect and back into my size 16 jeans again. Britney Spears did it why cant I. So of course like all other Americans I jumped on the weight loss band wagon, I bought all the books, I tried all the pills, I spent large amounts of money on things like the ab crunch, shake weight, ab doer. and many more I cant think of at this point. I am happy to report with all the money I spent I lost oh about 23 lbs total! Well once I lost some weight and looked less like a beached whale guess what happen.. I got pregnant... was this gods way of laughing at me! :) well after a few miscarriages I of course was unable to cope with my depression, my doctors at the time thought it was a great idea to medicate me. For people who don't know, medication for people with depression, makes you FAT! So that's pretty much a double slap in the face, not only am I depressed now lets pack on 64lbs onto my already low self esteem body and make me deal with that. Time went on, issues with in my life happened like we all have, and for every major life event not only did I go thru them I added on weight to my waist size. I of course jumped on the bandwagon again of weight loss, watched all the shows, bought all the goodies, I was going to be skinny! I bought clothes to small for me, and hung them up and declared I WILL FIT IN THESES BY such and such date. I would go to the gym once a month, and walk on the treadmill and then justify in my head why now I can eat 12 donuts. Oh and I used to sit at home and lay on the floor and lift a leg a few times and go wow, now I can have ice cream with my movie. Does this sound like many of you? Daily I would battle in my head this little war about what not only I looked in the mirror but what and how I felt inside. I hated everything about my body I hate things about my life because I convinced my self I wasn't worth anything. I didn't need anyone else to miss treat me, I was doing just fine on miss treating my self mind body and soul. Many told me I was pretty, Many desired me, but it was never enough to fill my love cup. I was not happy with me. Its a daily battle. Being thinner doesn't make those demons go away. So to make this almost current I got the joy of being a mommy again to a beautiful little girl. And as amazing as she was she didn't sadly come out a 59lb baby. So 2.5 years ago after she was born I decided I was going to break the cycle. I was going to not only teach my little girl about having amazing self esteem but about how to take care of her temple and stop the pain.After a minor health issue after she was born I looked at the mirror and said OK! its time, its time to put aside all the BULL shit reasons and its time to shed the fat suit, it is time to love me again and it is time for me to put me first and take care of me! I was called self fish I was called stupid but I have learned if I'm not happy and well balanced my family is off balance. My kids need their MOMMY around so I needed to do this. Keep in mind this is still an on going battle. I still have slip ups and slip ups are OK, drug addicts do it, people who have food addictions do to! OK lets get down to the niddy griddy!